14. The final output- a one page comic

After trying to incorporate some of the feedback received on the first rough draft on the final version.

The following is a short synopsis of the comic:

‘The comic illustrates the state of the river Mithi in Mumbai. Besides the known fact that the river is very polluted, encroachment has been a major reason for its deterioration. I wish to highlight two things: one- the development projects that have been sabotaging the river and two- the ignorance and indifference of an average Mumbaikar.’

(open the image in new tab and click on 1205×1600 to view full size with readable text)


I shared this comic with my faculty, classmates and a few friends and received various kinds of comments as well as inputs on how the comic could have been done better – both text wise and composition wise. I also wrote to a few people who use design as a medium of change for their insights on my work. Two people responded- Mr. Sethu Das and a friend of his that he introduced-Sharad Sharma. Sharing what they had to say about my comic-

Sethu Das / Designandpeople.org:

The work you have done on telling the story of the Mithi River of Mumbai is in fact an eye opener. The plight of the river and its present condition is known to everyone and well-discussed. But no one has every talked about the “other” factors that contribute for the death of the river. I must say you’ve done an excellent work on this subject! The work is meaningful too. Few technical issues.

1) You’ve illustrated the situation very well. No comments on that.

2) I think the problem is not with the way the text is written, but the language itself. Consider a Hindi version of the same to be published online.

3) There seems to be a disconnect between the last frame and the rest of the frames of the comic book. Although you’ve successfully narrated the story by exposing the “other” forces, I think there is no message for the reader. The question is – what do you want them to do to improve the situation? Without this key message, the graphic novel would appear incomplete. Think about this.

4) Do not bother about the outcome or results of your actions. I believe it is only by performing such duties as a creative personality, we contribute towards the issue. Continue the good work.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Sharad Sharma / World Comics Network:

I really loved the comics and your style of drawing and representation. The story is good and raises many questions. This is really our style of comics, at World Comics we support the idea of real life stories and can see the potential of comics to express the same.

The one page format is good as it encourages reader to read the comics, you can try with 3-5 page comics and response would be not same.If your idea is to sensitize  people and authority on the subject I think you need to elaborate little more on the IMPORTANCE part. We can see the problem in the comics but what if river could have been protected? What people can do now.

But it all depends on how you want to end your story, at present it is a bit satirical end. The other option could be to end with some suggestions.But why include everything in one comics, you can always make another one pager showing other point of view, as we do in our grassroots comics.

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